Sunday, December 11, 2005


the more and more time i spend as an "independent individual" on my own, etc etc... the more i find myself making excuses for my less-than-virtuous behavior. it's kind of sad. more on that later.

also: my work ethic may be among the worst in the world, which is also kind of sad.


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

actually, on second thought...

something else happened to me today that was interesting...

when i spoke up in class, in the middle of my comment, the professor helped me realize a loose part of my thinking. When i spoke up again to clarify/fix what i was saying, i did what i thought to be a humble gesture by deferring to the wisdom of the prof [how unamerican! ;-)] and apologized for my muddled words before...
after the class, when i went to the front to follow up my point with the professor, a gentleman in the class took me aside for a moment and told me (in the manner of helpful and friendly advice) never to apologize in public.
i do not mean to imply that the gentleman who spoke to me was a bad man or anything of the sort. i appreciated that he cared enough for my wellbeing to speak to me. perhaps he was right, but the statement simply took me aback. i tend to be a direct person who will put his ideas out in the open without shame (i hope!), but i am coming to realize more and more that not everyone does that with such casual manner. many people, when they speak, are afraid of admitting culpability or fault. personally, i think i do not have such a problem with that because to me, they are just words, just ideas, and i would rather look a fool that continue to believe falsehoods. also, there are always more ideas where those came from.
word is truth.


Well, folks, i have decided to start trying to post here on this blog fairly regularly, not that anyone's reading anymore...
whatever. come what may, there will be electronic evidence of my transitory conscious existence.

today i got in a lively debate with my buddhism professor, famed scholar of tibetan buddhism robert a f thurman, also known as uma's dad. he was discussing, in the class, the harmful effects religion has had on history and our lives and claimed that the goals of religion were often at odds with ethics. okay fine, no problem there. i, even as a religious person, need to recognize that bad things have happened because of it. however, he then tried to distinguish between "spirituality" and religion, and while they are most definitely not one and the same, i thought that it was incorrect to completely dichotomize them. he said that when figures arose in religion and represented authentic spirituality, they were killed/silenced. while that may be true, one cannot separate these figures from their religious contexts as much as one cannot separate them from their sociological and political ones. the fact is that these people came to noble conclusions through their religions. while religions have been known to harm, i believe those are instances when they are not being "spiritual" or, as i like to think of it, "Godly." in that way, though, spirituality is seen as a component, a function of religion, not its successor.

but i may just as well be wrong.

the dalai lama had a wonderful point, just as reinhold niebuhr did when confronted by a soulsick will herberg, disillusioned with marxism, desiring christianity: each religious individual has a responsibility to explore the depths of one's own religion first and foremost. it is their tradition. i also believe that religion is primarily an end to an end, that is the eschaton, or whatever you call it. but that's another post for another time.

and i may be wrong about that too. or everything.


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

my non-award winning kilmer poem from this year

Canadia, I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
Canadia, eleventeen dollars and seventy twenty cents, January 17, or whatever heathen calendar you use there
I can't stand all your moose(s)
Canadia, when will you give up the delusion of your sovereignty?
Go fuck yourself with your hockey stick
I don't feel warm. Don't bother me.
I won't write my poem 'til I'm in my right mind.
Canadia, when will you be civilized?
When will you take off your flannel?
When will you look at yourself through the mocking eyes of everyone else?
When will you be worthy of your twelve citizens?
Canadia, why are your libraries full of books?
Canadia, when will you send your Mounties to Iraq?
I'm sick of your inexplicable existence.
When can I go to the black market and buy what I need with my real money
Canadia, after all, it is you and the Dutch who are weird, not the normal world.
Your moose are too much for me.
You made me want to be a hockey star.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
McGill is in Montreal, but I don't think anyone goes there, it's deserted.
Are you being serious, or are you some cosmic practical joke?
I'm trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
Canadia, stop pushing, I know what I'm doing.
Canadia, the pine needles aren't falling (that's why they call them "evergreens!")
I haven't read a newspaper in months, do you even have a written alphabet?
Canadia, I feel sentimental about the moose.
Canadia, I used to be dyslexic as a kid, and I'm not rosy.
I drink maple syrup every chance I get.
I sit in my house for days on end and try to make sense of your existence.
When I go to Montreal I get laid but never in English.
My mind is made up; there's going to be trouble.
You should have seen me listening to Alanis Morisette.
Canadia, it's them bad mooses.
Them mooses, them mooses, and them maple syrups. And them mooses.
The mooses want to eat us alive. The mooses are power mad.
Canadia, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel-eh?

This is my philosophy!

The only thing i know is that i know nothing...

i'm back bitches!!!!!


Sunday, January 30, 2005

getting in touch with your inner snob

oh man, i'll tell you. do you want to hear? i have some thing freakin important for like the world or something. this is quantum, man, esoteric secrets granted to only a select few. this knowledge could shake the foundation of the world. this could end world hunger and war and stuff. yeah??? yeah. i mean DO it, man! i mean: take it it's yours. there is no need to shame this out of me. this was created for you... this could change the world... if they could take it. i mean no one can think like YOU, now can they? not everone can be special. not everyone can understand things that are special.


like this.

snobbishness begins concurretly with the genesis of history. in the biblical (quick side note, the word "judeo-christian" is such a fallacy and used by people who can't separate text from context) creation story, God, gives the entire garden of eden to his humans, adam and eve. however, the tree of knowledge/tree of life were not to be touched or sampled. the right to special privileges is born. from then on, we establish cities with their classes and their ruling powers and caste systems. also, especially in the hellenistic times, elite relgious movements claiming ultimate truth are founded, holding special appeal to it members for their salvation. and this trend continues all the way down through history, highlighting in the colonial movements and feeling its first twinges of threat in the advent of the american revolution, arguably the first instance of "post-colonialism." the classless society has been imagined, although a serious consideration must be payed to the advent of the printing press as well, disseminating knowledge to others than the elite. america does indeed adopt the media and it ends up both helping and harming the snobbish cause.
in the democracy, ideally, all have te same rights and privileges. yeah right. capitalism takes care of that, as do deep seeded racial fictions. money creates the new class of the supposed meritocracy, those who pulled themselves up by their bootstraps etc. however, the mass media, with its mind numbing pablum creating powers and exutation of mediocrity, DOES have its positive results of widely disseminating information. and: as unfair as it was, the snob-system DID make people feel quite special and different from others. even the untouchables, as abused as they were, had special bonds that could be connected to no one else. our supposed democracy and freedom atomizes us, separates us from our peers. and if everything is open to everyone, then what makes social interaction effervescent and unexpexted? if everyone reads the same magazines and listens to the same polkas, then how do we learn from each other? how do we differetiate from each other????? oh no.
so: snobbishness does indeed have its value. it's fun to know something cool when no one else does! it's also fun to spread the love to only those you deem to be able to handle it. it's like discovering something about someone/the world that no one else knows or has even known. treasure. snobbishness is why we have gradients of friendship, to claim rights to intimate knowledge of people who should ideally belong to the world. after all, we can't belong to anyone can we? well, if i grok you, then i have something special no one else does, so... there is part of you in me, that is in no one else.
i know this may sound cynical on the surface, but the story is told with a disarming grin and an offering of secret candy to you, the worthy recipinets of my esoteric wisdom. don't tell your friends. just wink knowingly and leave quietly, secretly inscribing your name in the earth, on the sky.