Monday, December 27, 2004

In Which Joshua Rekindles Old Friendships and Becomes a Pasionate Revolutionary

Where do your feelings end, and what people want from you begin?
That came out more bitter than I intended. I m not implying that people around me are demanding and intrusive. What I really mean is that sometimes I don't know whether I really do feeel a certain way or if I am convincing my self I do to fulfill a certain expectation. I am scared it may characterize my dealing with the matter romantic. I can't really recall a time i ever had an unrequited crush. Is the only reason i fall in love that someone loves me, and i do not have the strength of character to resist that kind of affection and affirmation of my personal worth? i hope this is not the case. i feel as though i am progressing closer and closer to a more independent state of emotions every day, though, and especially with every romantic interaction. My current relationship (which i won't blab about here, thank you) is definitely a big step forward for me, as this is the first time i have ever made the "first move." I think that, ideally, if one loves another, he should be willing to express that love in whatever way he can. If his intended is not willing to involve herself romantically with him at a present time, he should be just wanting to spend quality time with her, and for now, that should be enough. Therefore, I promote the idea of maverick emotions! not caring what the world thinks! let us feel what we shall feel, because we feel it!

on a more pragmatic note, i am very happy to be deepening my relationship with my friend Alex. We were friendly before, but we didn't realize how well we got along til we missed each other. it's a nice ending to a weird post.

please discuss this idea, i you feel the pulling at your intellectual groin...
and welcome aboard Mark. your slavic sensibilities and impeccable dressing will be a wonderful asset to this blog.


next! getting in touch with your inner snob


Poetariat said...

Personally, I haven't been in a romantic relationship in which I felt for the other person only because they felt something for me. I've had unrequited crushes before. But I do get that feeling regarding other things, like certain activities I'm involved in. I used to take dance class when I was younger; I really liked it until I got to be about eight or nine, and I started liking it only because I was expected to continue with it. Once I realized that, it was easier for me to leave the situation.

While we're on the topic of passionate revolutions, may I shed some light on something? What about people who lead you on? People who tell you they love you and then can't live up to it? They decide that being in love is too much of a burden/responsibility/whatever and back out, at the expense of the other person's feelings.
Where does their weakness lie, in their word or their ability to realize it?

P.S. I think you are having your surgery right now, so I'm just letting you know I'm thinking of you (well, duh). And the nurse. Rest assured, the Wellness Crew will be on its way over after school today. :D

J said...

Don't worry, Be b'simcha!


wandering said...

Well on the one side it is definitely true- more than we can ever imagine, our feelings and thoughts are mostly products of the people around us. It is inevitable and practicaly impossible to prevent it...
However I've also got to say that it makes a lot of sense to start loving someone who loves you. Isn't that why we all just naturally love our parents? We have been receiving an outpouring of their love for years and years and the only way to respond is to start loving them back. How can you not love someone who loves you? And i don't think it is an emotion that is necessarily false. King David said in Psalms- your emotions for someone reflect back at you like your reflection in the water. Hate someone and they are bound to hate you, love them sincerely, and they are bound to love you back.